Skipton mom speaks of grief at death of twin baby son

mom in mourning

Victoria Fodor with Oliver’s surviving twin brother, Rio

A young mum has spoken of her grief at the loss of her twin son Oliver after he became “locked” while being born at Airedale General Hospital, at Steeton.

Victoria Fodor, 23, has sought legal advice following an inquest in Bradford earlier this month, at which the coroner returned a narrative verdict saying Oliver had died of oxygen starvation causing brain damage which led to his death.

He died in Leeds General Infirmary when his life support machine was switched off four days after he was delivered.

He suffered complications when he became “locked” in the birth canal in front of his brother Rio and both babies had to be delivered by Caesarean section on June 15, last year.

Victoria and Oliver’s father Michael Conroy, 22, who live in Lower Union Street, Skipton, have challenged the narrative finding after the inquest heard that none of the midwives, doctors and consultants had experienced that kind of complication before.

But she claims the complication was made worse by the doctors breaking her waters and then leaving her on an epidural to attend another emergency.

She believes if the hospital staff had acted quickly enough and not left her, the twins could have been born without any complication.

But when they returned an hour later, Oliver had been starved of oxygen and had to be put on a life support machine.

He was eventually rushed to LGI where he was resuscitated five times before his breathing machine was turned off on Father’s Day last year. He died in the arms of his mum and dad.

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Sympathy Gifts

10 Things You Should Never Say To A Miscarriage Survivor

Miscarriage Survivor

Miscarriage is a topic so many prefer to sweep under the rug and ignore. I get it — I do. It’s uncomfortable to talk about death, particularly that of a pregnancy/baby/child. There are others who feel that this is a ‘natural and common’ thing in life and we don’t need to always talk about it.

Problem with that is those who are grieving can be left feeling very unsupported and misunderstood. Friends who have not been through miscarriage will try to help but either don’t know what to say/do or find themselves fumbling through it or doing nothing at all.

Though saying something in place of nothing is important, there are some phrases that a survivor might find particularly hurtful. Generally, people do mean well and are not trying to hurt someone by saying these phrases — but most often they just don’t know it’s hurtful — and why.

Click through for my advice on what NOT to say to a miscarriage survivor:

I would like to preface this by saying — before you tell me that no one would ever say these to people — I have personally been on the receiving end of all 10 of these phrases.

1. “You can always try again.”: The end goal of pregnancy is not having two lines show up on the test — it’s a baby to grow their family. Many women will indeed go on to have another pregnancy, but they will always grieve the one the never got to know.

2. “Be grateful for the children you have!”: Grieving the loss of a baby has no effect on how they feel about their living children. They will not replace or ‘fix’ the child that she lost. Grieving is not ungrateful — it’s healthy.

3. “I know what you are going through.”: Unless you’ve been through miscarriage, saying this can be of very little comfort. However, if you have experienced loss, many find it comforting to hear how you are functioning through your grief.

4. “At least you weren’t further along.”: There are some who will agree that the further along you are, the harder it is for you. The problem with this is grief is SO individual and diminishing someone’s grief based on a time-line number is dismissive and hurtful.

5. “It was not a real baby just a fetus.”: A “fetus” is a baby. The mom will feel changes from very early on, making the transition to motherhood already there in her mind. It was a real baby.

6. “At least you didn’t know your baby!”: That is basically the problem — she never got to really know her child. Not only is she grieving the baby she never knew — she is grieving the fact she never got that chance. We love our baby from the moment we know we are pregnant.

7. “It’s probably for the best.”: Miscarriages happen for many reasons, and you do not know what may or may not have caused this particular loss. The best for whom? Me? The now dead baby? You? This does not make a person feel better.

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Sympathy Gifts

Additional Information on Miscarriages

Miscarriage Advice for Dads from Dads

Baby Dust

Miscarriage: Finding My Way Home

Bethenny Frankel reveals miscarriage

Bethany Frankel Miscarriage

Feb. 20, 2012, 11:43 AM EST
Entertainment Tonight.

Reality star Bethenny Frankel has revealed that she had a miscarriage after being eight weeks pregnant with her second baby.

Frankel — who debuts the third season of Bravo’s Bethenny Ever After tonight at 9 p.m. — explained to the Today Show’s Savannah Guthrie that she’s plenty busy with her 21-month old daughter Bryn, but that she and husband Jason Hoppy have been trying to have a second child.

“We were pregnant with a second baby and at eight weeks I miscarried,” Frankel said. “That was a very emotional experience and it had a lot of different things that came with it.”

Frankel acknowledged that getting pregnant again might take some time, but she remains optimistic. “I’m 41. I don’t know. It’s really not my choice. It’s not my option. The window is closing. So it’s something I’m dealing with.” She added: “Thinking about women who can’t have their own baby, even the first baby, I’m lucky. I have the most beautiful daughter in the world and I’m grateful for her.”

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I had a miscarriage, fine now: Dimpy Mahajan

I Had a miscarriage

IANS | Feb 10, 2012, 02.37PM IST from the Times of India

There were reports last year that reality TV couple Rahul and Dimpy Mahajan were expecting their first child together. Dimpy confirmed the news, but informed that she suffered a miscarriage.

“It is true I was pregnant. But since doctors advise you to not reveal the news until the first three months, we didn’t speak about it. But I don’t know how this news leaked.

Unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage in the very first month. It’s a normal thing and I am fine,” Dimpy told IANS on phone from Mumbai.

Dimpy married Rahul on national television in 2010. She pipped 14 contestants and over 16,500 applicants on Imagine TV’s reality show “Rahul Dulhania Le Jaayega” to marry the son of late Bharatiya Janata Party leader Pramod Mahajan….Continue Reading

Mom Gifts

Miscarriage Resources

The (Mis)Adventures of Motherhood

Finding My Way Home

Grieving a Miscarriage